A Tribute to Girlfriendship

At some point during the dating stage of my relationship with Greg, I ceased my attempts at fashioning him into a girlfriend. He is simply too furry and calm and manly to be treated like a woman. Greg doesn't care about bargains at charity shops, quirky jewelry, hairdos, artistic independent films, or Godiva chocolate truffles. Even after 12 years together, he still thinks my moments of avant-garde fashion are unintentional faux pas, and lovingly suggests other alternatives in style. Greg categorically refuses to eat any food that might once have been served at a wedding or baby shower. Greg made a great boyfriend, and now a perfectly complimentary husband (and best friend), but sweet Greg was and is just too masculine to be a girlfriend.

Loyal girlfriends are to friends what an eagle is to a sparrow--the same sort of thing generally, but with all the important qualities amplified. A loyal girlfriend listens when she could criticize. She keep a confidence when it would make a juicy morsel of gossip. She doesn't compare or compete, but instead rejoices with the successes of her friend. She is honest, but kind, and her opinion can be trusted to set you back on course when you get sidetracked. She puts the interests of her friend above her own, and always wants the best for you. She "butts in" if her friend is too embarrassed to ask for help but desperately needs it, and will go to great lengths to see your needs met. She occasionally bring meals or cards or calls just to see if you are okay. She respects differences of opinion and isn't threatened by strength. She encourages you in matters both large and small; (In my case small encouragement in large matters has sometimes meant telling me that I still LOOK like I am in single-digit sizes, and that my huge size 11 feet are just "a good foundation for your height.") She will lovingly tease about idiosyncrasies that just won't wear off and kindly bear with weakness that lingers while character is developing in its place. The best kind of girlfriend will applaud you and rebuke you in love and inspire you to be more than you are.

My loyal girlfriend hold a special place in my heart, maybe the place that would be held by a sister, if I had a sister. My friends have played an integrally important part of developing my character throughout each stage in my life. My girlfriends have been with me through my quiet phase in elementary school (hard to imagine, I know), the middle school mushroom haircut, high school romances and proms, boyfriends and breakups, the trials of architecture schools. They have joined my journey through my engagement and the planning of my wedding, wedding-day nervousness, my pregnancy and the resulting stretchmarks, birth, finding my way as a wife and later a mother. They have supported me as my kids started school, as I planned a move to Oz, and as I adjusted to a new way of life in a foreign country. My girlfriends have taught me foreign languages like tact, patience, meditation, organization, and Aussie English, languages I would never have learned on my own. (I'm not saying I am fluent, especially at organizing or being tactful, just that I would know even less without their tutoring.)

I guess starting the process of making new friends in another new place has made me very mindful of how much I have to be thankful for in the friendships of my past. My truest friends know every bit of who I am, my flaws and failures and my strengths and aptitudes as a woman; and they love me still. (and I love them too.) They have loved my children like their own flesh and blood, and have accepted my husband as a brother. They have fought for my marriage, even if it meant fighting me. In times of great need and transition, in times of trial and heartache, my friends have been the hands of God on earth, binding up my heart and carrying me on when I couldn't move. I know what it is to have true and loyal friends, and I am so thankful.

So, my girlfriends, thank you, thank you, thank you for what you have been to me. In the drought of lonely days that still overtakes me from time to time as I begin again in a new world, I carry the hope of your friendship with me like a camel carries water in the desert. The memories of your care give me hope that love and generosity, honesty and loyalty are spoken by kindred spirits everywhere and that the sparks of kindness from new acquaintances can be fanned into the flames of true friendship as I pay forward to others the debt of love that I owe to you. Thanks again to each of you. Thanks for the memories, and thanks for the hope.